no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
