he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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