he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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