who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Got a toothbrush?
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
