Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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