I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
