is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
