he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
