How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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