I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
