check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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