I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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