i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize