You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
