why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
