Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
