I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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