omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
