Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
