who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
