BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
