Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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