Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
