Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize