yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
