and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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