Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
