Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
