I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
