I heard we made out
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
