ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
