Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
