Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
