just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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