It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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