I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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