and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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