You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just pee around me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize