literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
