Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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