you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
