I wish I could teleport
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
