We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
