I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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