being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
