I think my fart just growled at me.
I looked at my own cervix.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
