And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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