My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
