drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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