If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
