last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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