She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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