Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
