the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize