The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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