Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
