What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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