Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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