There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
