Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize