I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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