We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish I could teleport
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this beer tastes like vomit already
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
