he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
