Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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