They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
