We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
